I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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