i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I can text with my tongue
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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