pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
