Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
