I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
