Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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