Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
