Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
