dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
