Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
