I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
