mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
