can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
