Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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