His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
