Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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