I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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