you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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