apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
