Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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