True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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