I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
