his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize