So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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