Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
