There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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