at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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