this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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