She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
