you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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