my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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