Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
and you fell through a lawn chair
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize