Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ketchup is God's man juice
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
