I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
