the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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