Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
