booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
