is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
