Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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