well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
