yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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