I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
