It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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