I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
