How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This baby is an asshole
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
