any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize