The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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