They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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