I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
