Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
