I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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