have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is Oprah even human
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
