you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
