I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
