my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
