Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
