I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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