My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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