I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
