...so i touched it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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