dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize