Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
