Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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