In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
